I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
