There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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