i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
