Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
40s are totally the cure
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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