What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
