Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
