so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
