that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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