Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
