She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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