Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
