Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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