Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
