I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
