I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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