both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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