i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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