doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
