Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So. Much. Porn.
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