why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
