i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
