you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
