My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
