you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
