Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
