I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
