It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
