hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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