It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
