Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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