I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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