I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
