I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
