you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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