YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
