Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
