Well douche your snatch and let's go!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
