I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
