i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
