She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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