Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
