I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
