He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just invented taco cereal.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
