Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
