I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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