After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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