You're my little dorito
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
