ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
