i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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