yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
