Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
