i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
